My View of Things
by Magalicious
Summary: What if Johnny held hidden feelings for someone in the gang and telling them could have changed the outcome of the book? Slash. Now marking as complete
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Warning: There will be slash in future chapters, if you don't like that kind of thing, then don't read it.

My View of Things

Chapter one

Ponyboy and I were always really close friends. Since we were little kids, we could tell each other anything. But there was one little thing I could never tell him. And never would.

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Pony was different than all of the other guys in the gang. I mean that in a good way. And it was a good thing, to me at least.

He would always be going to movies by himself. He said that he didn't like going with other people because it was like having someone read a book over your shoulder. That and he really liked to get into the story, figure out the people and not just sit there expecting that movie to tell you everything.

One thing that I didn't like about him was that he walked alone a lot.

People may call me overly worried or something, but I've been jumped before and I didn't want that happening to Ponyboy. He didn't deserve to be jumped, he'd been hurt enough for anybody.

One day we were all messing around at the Curtis house where Pony and his brothers Sodapop and Darrel, we called him Darry, lived since Mr. and Mrs. Curtis died. Soda and his buddy, Steve, were goofing around and making everyone laugh when we heard someone yelling our names. I recognized the voice as Pony's.

Soda took off running with us all close behind. We rounded the corner and saw Ponyboy being pinned down by a Soc and surrounded by four others. They were trying to gag him when Soda, Steve and Dallas chased them off.

Darry picked Pony up off the ground and checked to make sure he was all right. There was a cut on his neck and Soda held a handkerchief to it. Ponyboy was surprised when he saw the blood on it. I went over and looked at Pony closely. I could see the start of a bruise on his cheek.

Two-bit, another member of the gang that could never keep his mouth shut, saw it too. "Nice lookin' bruise you got there, kid."

Pony reached up and touched his cheek, "Really?"

Two-Bit nodded, "Makes you look tough."

Ponyboy practically beamed when he heard Two-bit say this. Pony always wanted to be tough like Darry or tuff like Sodapop. He didn't care which one, just as long as he _was_ one.

Darry started to lay into him about not using his head and I gave Pony a sympathetic look. Soda came to the rescue and defended Pony, as always.

Dally broke into the conversation when it turned to movies. "Speakin' of movies, I'm walkin' over to the Nightly Double tomorrow night. Anybody want to come and hunt some action?"

Steve and Soda couldn't, they were going out with Evie and Sandy to the game. Darry was going to work.

Dally turned to me and Pony, "How about y'all? Two-bit? Johnnycake, you and Pony wanta come?" Ponyboy answered for both of us, he knew how I didn't like to talk much. Two-bit had planned on drinking but if he didn't he'd meet us there.

I didn't really do much the rest of the day besides sit quietly in Pony's house. It was nothing different from every other day. Eventually night came and the guys that were still there all left. I got up to leave and walk back to my house.

"Not staying the night, Johnny?" I heard Ponyboy ask me as I left. I stayed at their house a lot of the time to stay away from my parents, but I didn't feel like bothering Darry anymore tonight, so I shook my head and went for the door.

I turned back and looked at Pony, "Are you all right?"

Pony nodded and smiled at me sleepily, "It ain't nothin' compared to what you've had happen."

"I'm glad it's not, Pony." I turned back to the door. "I'll see ya tomorrow night."

He nodded, "Night, John."

"Night." I walked outside and made my way down the street to my house.

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Yeah, it's really short, but I want to see how people like it so far, so review please.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Warning: There will be slash in future chapters, if you don't like that kind of thing, then don't read it.

My View of Things

Chapter Two

I walked down the street to the Curtis' house with my hands in my pockets, trying to make myself invisible.

When I got to the house I saw Ponyboy sitting outside on the porch. He looked so calm sitting there; I haven't seen him look that way for a long time.

I walked up the steps and he smiled when he saw me.

"Hey, Johnny." He said after I sat down next to him. I smiled at him and tried to look at anything but his eyes. Dally walked up soon after and we left for the drive-in.

I walked lazily next to Pony and wondered why I was feeling so weird around him lately. I was acting like Soda or Steve when they got a new girl. Wait a second… Does that mean I like Pony? I shook my head, it was dumb. I needed to forget about it unless I wanted him to never speak to me again.

"You okay, Johnnycake?" I heard Ponyboy say, it sounded like he was far away or under water. I cleared my head of the thoughts and looked away from him.

"Yeah, I was just thinkin'." He nodded and we walked on.

When we got to the drive-in, we snuck under the fence so we didn't have to pay to get in. We walked up to the bleachers and sat down behind two Soc girls. I sighed when I saw the look in Dally's eyes, the one that meant he wanted to do something bad. I left quickly to get a coke.

I walked around a bit and tried to find something to do. I eventually just sat on a bench and watched some of the movie. I didn't want to be around those girls. Ever since I had been jumped, I didn't like being anywhere near anyone of the upper-class, no matter who it was or how nice they may be, I didn't want to be close to them. They scared me, quite frankly.

I lay back on the bench and looked up at the sky and thought about that night. I don't know why I thought about it so much. It was four months ago I should be letting it go, but every time I saw or felt the scar, I couldn't help but to think about what happened. I closed my eyes and remembered what happened.

I remembered every smell and how the sun felt on my skin. It was a good day. They sky was blue, there weren't any clouds and I was in the lot lying on the ground on my back I had been looking around for the football we lost here not too long ago and had decided to take a break. It was spring and it was one time that I felt happy for no reason. I was thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. I could smell the fresh grass that was just starting to get green again after a long winter.

I closed my eyes for a moment because I was feeling slightly tired and planned on sleeping out there that night. I heard car wheels squealing and then multiple doors shut fallowed by footsteps. I didn't think much of it; I thought it was just some guys fighting.

But then, I noticed something wrong. They were saying things like 'Greaser' and 'Hood' in the tone that people from the other side used. In a way of making fun of someone instead of just addressing them as what we were. I opened my eyes when the footsteps stopped and saw four Soc guys standing above me and looking down at me. I felt my eyes widen and they smiled.

They pulled my up by my jean jacket and set me on my feet. It was the only hold they had on me so I pulled out of the jacket and took off running, but one of them was faster and got to me. They pulled my into the woods while I fought and hollered. One of them had rings and they crashed into my face, I felt my skin tear and I cried out. They laughed and continued to hit me. I was lost in the pain; it was all over my body. I've been beaten up before, but my parents never achieved anything like what was happening. The last thing I saw before I blacked out was the kid with the ring's face.

When I woke up, it was dark and I saw the concerned faces of the gang looking down at me. I remembered what happened and started bawling while telling them what happened. Sodapop held me while I remembered all the threats and hits for the first of many times.

After that I carried a blade everywhere I went, the next person that jumped me wasn't going to hurt me like the last time.

I sighed and opened my eyes; I wondered how long I'd been gone. I stood up and walked back to the stands. When I came back I saw Ponyboy talking to the redhead and Dally was nowhere to be seen. I sat down next to Pony and wondered what happened to start up this conversation between them. They were talking like they knew each other and like he wasn't grease while she was a soc.

I half listed to them, trying to ignore that look Ponyboy was giving that girl. I didn't like that look, not one bit.

Soon after, Dally came back with a couple of Cokes and handed then to the girls. The redhead looked at him like he was scum and he sat beside her. I don't really remember what he said, but it made her mad enough to toss the drink in his face. He grabbed her around the waist and she tried to fight him off. I was really tiered of what he was doing so I spoke up.

"Leave her alone, Dally." I said a little louder than I normally did. He looked surprised and I felt myself go pale and I gulped. He asked me what I had said. "You heard me. Leave her alone." He scowled at me and looked like he was ready to flatten me, but I was the gang's, and his, 'pet'. Dally got up and stormed off.

The girl turned around and looked at us, "You gonna start in on us, too?" Pony shook his head and she nodded. "You don't look the type, not like that trash, Dallas Winston."

"Dally's our friend." Pony defended. She apologized and said she didn't know. How did she not know? I wondered. We were at a movie together, who wouldn't at least guess we were friends?

She offered for us to move up by them and we did. They thought I was younger than I really was, 16, which actually happened way too much.

It was pretty quiet when I felt someone grab my arm and yell, "Greaser!" I nearly jumped out of my skin and felt myself go pale. I turned around to see that it was only Two-bit. He saw the look on my face then said he was sorry. He sat down next to the brunette girl who, in my opinion, giggled too much and didn't talk enough. I guess I'm not really one to say she didn't talk enough.

Ponyboy and the redhead went to go get some popcorn and drinks. I crossed my arms.

When they came back, she gave me a sympathetic look and I sighed. He either told her or she thought that I looked like a cute puppy that wasn't really loved. I hated being the innocent one.

The girls needed a ride home so Two-bit offered them one in his piece of junk that you were lucky if you could get it to start without having someone push it.

We started walking over to Two-bit place while Ponyboy and that redhead girl, I think she said her name was Cherry, got into an even deeper conversation. I glared at the back of her head.

Headlights shone on us for a second before disappearing making both girls look nervous.

The headlights came back again and stayed. I turned to look at the car, causing me to receive the second shock of that night. It was that same car, the one the rich guys had gotten out of to beat me until I passed out. It was two of the guys. They got out, obviously drunk off their rockers, and started yelling. I didn't hear what they were saying because I was staring at one of the guy's hands. Most of his fingers had rings on them. I brushed my fingers on the scar on my cheek.

Somehow things started to get messy and there was nearly a fight until Cherry broke it up by going with her boyfriend and taking Marcia along with her.

We watched them drive away and started walking again.

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It's not a good ending, but I wanted to update so here it is. Thanks for reviewing, I hope you do it again.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Warning: There will be slash in future chapters, if you don't like that kind of thing, then don't read it.

My View of Things

Chapter Three

We walked on talking aimlessly and goofing around. Two-bit tossed the number that he had gotten from Marcia, because he "knew it wasn't real" and that she "didn't really like him", but I think he was just scared. I know I would be.

We walked up to my house and could hear my parents fighting and see their shadows throwing things drunkenly at each other. I sighed.

"Come one guys, my folks are fightin'." I turned in the direction of that lot as Two-bit declared that he was going to go off and have some fun. Ponyboy and I stayed together. We walked in a comfortable silence while I tried to figure out what was going on inside my head. I looked over at Pony casually and hoped he didn't notice me staring. He looked so young and innocent, I prayed to any God that would listen for him to never be hurt.

We got to the lot and sat down. Ponyboy was shivering so I started to make a fire. I leaned back on an old car seat when I had gotten the fire going.

"You shoulda brought a jacket, Pony."

"Yeah, I know," he said as he leaned on me, I scooted closer to him and put an arm around him. Just to warm him up, of course.

We sat talking for a while about anything and everything. After a while the conversation fell into a silence and I closed my eyes. I don't know how long I was asleep, but when I woke up I could tell it was pretty late and I had finally decided to tell Pony what I had been thinking about lately.

I shook him softly, "Ponyboy," I whispered, "Wake up, I gotta tell you somethin'." He shifted and opened his eyes slowly.

"Oh man, Darry's gonna kill me!" He said when he realized how late it was, "Can it wait until tomorrow?"

I nodded, knowing that getting home on time was a priority for him. He smiled at me before running off. I laid back on the seat, deciding I'd stay there for the night.

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I was suddenly shaken awake by a shaken Ponyboy yelling that Darry had hit him when he went home and that we were gonna run someplace.

I got up and followed him. I'd follow him anywhere.

"Let's just walk around and cool off." I told him after we had run far from his house.

"Yeah," He agreed while trying to regain his breath. We walked around the little park we had run to when we saw that stupid blue Mustang drive by. We stopped at the jungle gym and climbed up, waiting for them.

They got out of the car and walked over to where we were. There were four or five of them in the group. They all sneered like they thought getting close to us would give them some sort of disease.

The ring leader started talking trash to us and I let Ponyboy handle the situation. He said something really hurtful and spit on the ground in front of them. That set them off. Before you could blink, they were after us. We ran and I got taken down by a couple of guys that hit me to keep me down. I saw Pony being taken by the rest and dunked in the fountain, I knew it wasn't good because he had already been cold and that water wasn't going to help anything.

I let the people who had a hold on me do what they wanted so they'd lose the fun and leave me alone. My plan worked and the left to help their friends beat Pony. I pulled my switch out of my back pocket when I knew no one would see me doing it.

I walked over quietly to the fountain and then reached around the guy who had a hold on Pony and shoved the blade into his stomach. He let go of Pony and he and his friends started running, but He fell before long.

I pulled Ponyboy's body out of the water and laid him down gently on the ground. I hoped this night wouldn't change him. It was all my fault.

When his friends were gone, I went over to him. I flipped him onto his back and saw his face. It was Bob, the guy who beat me so long ago. I pulled the knife out knowing I might still need it someday.

I sat next to Pony and looked at the bloody knife in my hands knowing that I'd killed a boy, a son, and that I'd just caused so many people a major change in their lives. I also knew that I had kept the promise I made to myself, Bob did not leave in one piece. I had beaten him.

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So this is about the shortest chapter, but I really wanted to update so here it is. Read and review. Thanks as always.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Warning: There will be slash in future chapters, if you don't like that kind of thing, then don't read it.

My View of Things

Chapter Four

I was waiting for Ponyboy to wake up when he shifted next to me and I looked at him.

"What happened, Johnny?" He asked in a scratchy voice that didn't sound like his.

"I-I killed him." I looked away from Pony and at the ground, "I killed that boy." Pony wrapped his arm around me and I leaned on him, "I killed him."

"We gotta run." He said quietly.

"Where can we go?"

"Let's find Dallas, he'll know what to do. Dally always knows what to do." He stood up and offered his hand out to me. I took it and stood slowly. I had become more aware of what I had done as I waited for Pony earlier.

We walked to Buck's quickly as we could. I was worried about Ponyboy being so cold; he was shivering even worse now. I put my jacket on his shoulders and he put his arms into the holes. I had to admit, I kind of liked seeing him wear my jacket. It made him look like he was mine. I blushed at the thought.

It wasn't long before we got to Buck's and Ponyboy knocked on the door. A man we recognized as Back opened the door causing music and low light to hit us suddenly.

"We need to see Dallas Winston," Pony said.

"Who's askin'?" Buck responded.

"His friends." I answered, "Just got get him."

He sighed and left to get Dally as Pony and I waited. Dally came to the door and asked what we were doing here. We told him we were in some trouble.

"So you come to me?" He smiled, "Come on in."

We went inside and followed Dallas upstairs to a small room at the end of a hall. He tossed Ponyboy a shirt and handed me a loaded gun. He told us where to go and how to get there. I didn't ask where he got this knowledge from. There's a lot about Dallas Winston that nobody knows or wants to know.

I listened to him a memorized the information that he was unloading so fast. He handed me some cash for anything we might need.

"Now, y'all get outta here before people see you and I get questioned."

We both nodded and thanked him then left without looking anyone in the eye, hoping that no one would remember we were here come morning when the news of Bob's death came out.

We went to the train tracks that Dally told us to go to and waited for a train to come by and stop.

When it did come, we waited for the guys checking for stowaways to move on before we got onto and open train car. We stayed alert until the train started moving and I felt suddenly very tried. I didn't go to sleep; I had to watch for the stop. Ponyboy laid his head in my lap and crashed not long after the train had been moving.

I really wanted to sleep, but I couldn't bring myself to wake him up. I was the one who got us into this mess and I should be the one to pay for it.

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It was only when the train lurched to a halt that I woke Pony up.

"We have to get off the train. Come on." I said softly while he tried to wake up fully. We jumped off the train and rolled down the hill. "That hurt." I complained lightly standing up.

Ponyboy nodded and stood up. We looked around at the little town that we had landed ourselves into.

"Well, let's find that church," Pony said trying to sound optimistic.

We had to ask directions to find the small church with a high steeple on top of a grassy hill. Pony and I picked up a rock and tossed it through a boarded up doorway into the building. We walked in and looked at the place we'd be living in for who knows how long.

I found it ironic that a gay guy, or I might have been "questioning", was staying in a church. I smiled at my personal joke.

"What ya smilin' bout Johnnycake?" Pony asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Just thinkin'." I blushed at being caught.

Ponyboy smiled, "Let's get some sleep, I'm worn out."

"Wouldn't think you would be, you slept the whole way here." I joked. He laughed and laid down on the ground as I laid next to him. I put my arm around his slim waist and closed my eyes.

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I woke up in early morning, not wanting to leave Pony's side. I was pretty decided by this point that I was falling for my best friend. I was falling for a boy. I was falling for Ponyboy Curtis. Just that name, I loved that name, it just fit him. I watched him as he slept; he looked like he was four instead of fourteen. I sighed and ran my fingers through his hair wishing that he would love me. The boy who couldn't be loved, even by his own parents.

I moved away from him and wrote a note in the dirt on the ground that I was going to the store and I'd be back soon, we needed food.

I got up and left to find a store.

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It was an hour or so later when I got back, I found Ponyboy awake and waiting for me. I smiled when I saw him, "Mornin'."

He smiled back, "What'd ya get?'

I showed him all the nonperishable groceries and cards and one book that I thought he'd like, _Gone with the Wind_. He smiled when I pulled it out, but his smiled fell when he saw the hydrogen peroxide in the box.

"What's this for?" He asked holding it up.

"We gotta disguise ourselves." I explained, "If the cops are after us, they'll recognize our descriptions so we're gonna cut our hair and you're gonna dye yours."

"Why can't we dye yours too?" Pony asked.

"I could never pass for a blond, Pony, please we gotta do this." I begged.

He sighed, "Fine, I'll go first."

"Thanks." He sat down in a chair as I cut his hair with my cleaned switch blade. He winced as I worked and I apologized whenever he did. When I was done cutting it, we went out to the water pump out back and washed his hair free of grease. I then put the hydrogen peroxide on it until it was time to wash it out.

I found a mirror for him to look at himself when it was done. He didn't want to see himself, but, at the same time, he did. He finally looked and winced, "Oh yeah, this makes me look tuff."

"I think it looks good." I smiled. Ponyboy took it as a joke and smiled back.

"Whatever, man. It's my turn to cut yours." His smiled turned mischievous.

"Don't cut it too short…" I sat down in the chair after I washed the grease out and waited for him to start. He yanked and pulled at my hair, partly on accident and somewhat on purpose. I hissed when he cut the sensitive hair at the back of my neck. "I didn't pull that hard."

"No, but you're not blond." He said a little bitterly, but let up as much as he could.

When it was over with, we sat down and he began to read _Gone with the Wind _out loud as I made bologna sandwiches for us to eat.

I really did think that he looked good with the blond hair. Course, I would think he looked good no matter what. I watched him read and I wondered if he would ever think of me in the way I had come to think of him. I knew he would probably at least hit me if he knew how I felt.

Ponyboy noticed my glum mood and asked me what was wrong.

"I'm just sorry I dragged you into this whole thing." I looked down.

He put the book down and met my eyes. "You wouldn't have been in that park if it weren't for me running from my brother and you wouldn't have had to do anything if I hadn't provoked them."

"Ponyboy, don't blame yourself."

"You shouldn't either, then. You saved my life and I'll always love you for that."

My heart jumped, "Love?"

Pony blushed, "You're my friend and all… but I've been thinking…"

"Thinking what?"

"Nothing. It's stupid," He picked up the book and began to read before I had a chance to say anything more about what he had told me.

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I was feeling inspired so I wrote some more. I think I've found my muse :). Read and review, thank you.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Warning: There will be slash in future chapters, if you don't like that kind of thing, then don't read it.

My View of Things

Chapter Five

I was still thinking about what Ponyboy had said. I couldn't even pay attention to the story he was reading, I kept zoning out. I don't think he noticed, but if he did, he didn't say anything about it.

I wanted to tell him so badly that I loved him too, but not in such a brotherly way. How do you explain that to a friend? He'd hit me for sure and call me crazy. Everyone knows gay are crazy, somebody told me that a scientist proved it. Well, it's not uncommon for abused kids to go insane. The irony of it made me sick.

I watched Pony as he read the book. I loved watching him read. He got so into the stories like he wanted to live them instead of this life. I wonder if that's why he read so much, to escape his life.

"Ponyboy," I said loudly, interrupting his reading.

"Yeah?" He put the book down.

"Why do you like to read so much?" I ask out of curiosity.

He shrugged and looked embarrassed, "I don't know… Maybe I just like to forget some things." He said quietly.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I'm sorry that you have things you want to forget. I wish you didn't."

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I was lying awake that night missing home for the first time in my life. I didn't exactly picture my first trip out of town because I killed a kid. I don't know why I even thought ahead to the future, my life was so undefined.

I wished that I could sleep so I could stop all those things running through my head.

I looked over at Ponyboy as he slept deeply. He was always one of those people who wouldn't wake up if the world was crashing. I smiled as he snored lightly. I rolled over so my whole body was facing him. His cheeks puffed out as he released the air out of his mouth. I put my hand over his cheek softly.

I don't know what I was thinking, if I was thinking, but whatever was going through my head at the time made me do it. Made me kiss him. It was just a peck, nothing more, though I did hover for a moment. The feel of his soft lips were so much better than I ever could have imagined. I pulled back and looked at him.

I should have been happy that I had finally done it, I had finally kissed Pony. But in actuality, I felt even worse than before, if that was possible, because I would never be able to kiss him by the light of day or when he was awake for that matter.

Pony shifted under me and I pulled back from him quickly. He opened my eyes and spoke my name softly, in a question.

"What cha need?" I whispered back.

"I-I thought I heard something outside." He sounded shaken or like he was coming up with a lie.

"It's nothin', man, just go back to sleep."

Pony nodded and lied back down, not facing me. I nearly sighed in relief.

"Johnny?" He whispered.

"What?" I asked as I lied down next to him.

"Have you ever thought about doing something you knew was wrong, but wanted to do it _so_ bad?"

"What are you thinking about doing?" I asked, concerned.

Ponyboy sighed, "I don't know if I can tell you…"

"If it's illegal, don't ever do it." I said quickly.

He chuckled softly, "Naw, it ain't that that kind of wrong."

"Why's it wrong then?"

"People will think I'm crazy and people won't like it. I'd probably lose you as a friend."

"I'll always be your friend, I promise."

"Thanks," I could hear the smile in his voice.

"It's pretty cold tonight."

"Yeah, I'm freazin'."

"Want my jacket?" I offered.

He rolled over and shook his head then did something that really shocked me. He curled up next to me and put his head on my chest. I put my arms around him and held him there.

"This is better than a jacket." He mumbled.

I couldn't help, but agree. I closed my eyes and for the first time that night, I was able to sleep.

---

I woke up long before Ponyboy did and lied awake, running my hands through his hair repeatedly. I wanted to kiss him again. I shouldn't have done it, it's all I'd be thinking about all day long and then I'd let something slip.

Pony woke slowly and groaned when he saw the light, the buried his face in my chest. He grumbled about it being too bright outside and I chuckled.

"It's day time, it's supposed to be light out." I joked.

He grumbled some more and then looked up at me, resting his chin on me.

"Is there anything that you want to tell me about last night?" He looked a little angry.

"What are you talkin' about?"

He sat up sharply, "You know what I'm talking about."

"No, I don't." I sat up and tried to grab his arm, but he pulled away from me.

"You do." He insisted.

I sighed, "Ponyboy, just tell me what's going on."

"Johnny, I want you to tell me why you did what you did last night."

"What did I do?" I asked, exasperated.

Pony sighed and stood up, trying to get as far from me as he could.

I stood up and went over to him, "What did I do?" I yelled.

"Damn it! Don't yell at me!"

"Tell me what I did and I'll stop yellin'!"

"You kissed me!"

The room fell into a silence.

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Well, there's a cliff hanger for you guys. Thank you Annanova and TwinkLoverXO, you guys are great. Please read and review.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Warning: There will be slash in future chapters, if you don't like that kind of thing, then don't read it.

My View of Things

Chapter Six

"Pony, I'm sorry, just don't knock the shit outta me, please!" I begged.

"Why'd you do it?!"

"I just wanted to-"

"To what?! To screw with my mind? Is that what you want?!" He looked the maddest I've ever seen him.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

"Just tell me what you're saying! I obviously don't know what's going on!"

Ponyboy only sighed. I went over to him and looked in his eyes.

"I'm sorry. What can I do to make it better?"

"I don't know…"

"How 'bout I get out of here and give you a little time on your own? Give both of us time to cool off."

"Yeah, I think that'd be good." I nodded and left him.

---

I sighed walking around where I could stay hidden. I can't believe he noticed last night. He was acting normal last night. Why didn't he yell then? I wish he hadn't yelled. I wanted so badly to take the kiss back, but I was also glad I did it. I had originally thought it would get it out of my system, but it didn't work. At all. I wanted so badly to go running back up to the church and grab him and kiss him and have him kiss back.

I sat down next to a small pond that I found on my walk and looked out across the water. I put my elbows on my knees and my chin in my palms. I thought about the things he had said, _"To screw with my mind?" _what did that mean? How was I messing with his head?

I looked out across the pond and let the reflection of the sun blind me as I thought. I wish he could be clearer about things he says. Is it really that difficult? I was being a hypocrite. I wanted him to come out and say what he was thinking, but I wouldn't do it either and I was getting mad at him for it.

I decided to get up and go back to the church. I was going to tell him.

I walked down the same path that I got to the pond by. I didn't realize until too late that I had veered off. I was wondering through tress and I couldn't see past them all. I could barely see that light from the sun shining above. I tried to go back, but I just ended up going around in a circle. I was getting scared.

"Ponyboy!" I yelled, hoping that he'd hear me and find me. I yelled his name as I walked quickly trying to find a way out of the trees.

I knew I was getting deeper into the trees, but I couldn't help it.

I tripped on something at my feet and laded with my head on something hard. Before I could look up, I blacked out.

----

I woke up feeling cold water on my face, I coughed out of shock.

"He's awake!" I looked up and saw two guys standing above me, one looked like he was in his forties and the other was a kid about ten. I could tell he was guy's son.

"Where am I?" I stuttered.

"In a hunting range. You tripped on a free root and hit your head. You're lucky that you didn't get seriously hurt."

I nodded, "Really lucky." I hoped he wouldn't recognize me. Would the murder be in papers here?

He smiled and helped me to my feet slowly, "Do you think you could help me find my way home?" I asked.

"Don't you want to go to a hospital to get checked out and make sure you're okay?"

"I don't go to hospitals." Not for my dad hitting me and definitely not for tripping on a tree root. That would be too embarrassing to tell the nurses even if I did go.

The man sighed, "Where do you live?"

"If you tell me how to get to the church on Jay Mountain I can find my way."

He nodded and gave me detailed directions that anyone could follow. I thanked him and found my way back to the church slowly. It was nearly dark out by the time I made it there. I walked in quietly incase Ponyboy was still mad at me.

"Pony?" I spoke carefully. He turned around and hopped up when he saw me.

"Johnny!" He ran over to me and hugged me tightly, "Where did you go? I was so worried."

I put my arms around him securely, "I went for a walk and got lost. I ended up in a hunting range where I tripped a tree root," I chuckled to myself to lighten to mood a little, "I blacked out. When I woke up the kid's dad gave me directions."

"I'm so sorry, Johnnycake, so sorry." He said into my chest.

"It's okay," I rubbed his back to reassure him, "It's okay."

"I don't wanna yell at you ever again."

"I deserved it, don't worry about it."

"You don't deserve to be yelled at. I thought I was gonna hit you, I really wanted to." Pony admitted.

I didn't pull away from him, "It's okay."

"I'm really tired. I've been pacing all day."

"Let's get some sleep then."

We laid down in the same positions as we did last night.

----

It was in the middle of the night when I woke up. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep unless I told him what was going on.

"Pony, wake up." I whispered as I shook him. He woke up slowly.

"What?" He mumbled.

"We need to talk about what happened today."

"I told you I'm sorry."

"I know, I need to know why you were mad. What did you mean I was messing with your head?"

"Can we just forget about it?"

"Ponyboy…please tell me." I said desperately.

He sighed, "I think that you did it because you found something out about me that you were using against me."

"What do you mean?"

He didn't answer me.

"I gotta tell you somethin'," He turned and looked at me, knowing I was serious, "I don't know how to say this…"

"Just tell me, you know I'll always be here for you." He said sincerely.

"Pony… I'm gay." I didn't look at him to see his reaction. I couldn't chicken out. I took a deep breath, "And I like you."

I looked down at his shocked face.

----

Well, I think that's good for now. Read and review. Thank you.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Warning: There will be slash in future chapters, if you don't like that kind of thing, then don't read it.

My View of Things

Chapter Seven

"You're what?" He asked in shock.

"I'm gay. I like guys, you know, a fag." He sat up and scooted away from me.

"And about the other part?"

"I like you." I sat up and sat across from him. We sat silently for a while.

"You bastard." He whispered.

"I'm sorry; I just had to tell you. I had to."

"You liar, you think this is funny? You think that just 'cause you find out about be being practically in love with you, that you can say this just to make fun of me? I can't believe you'd do that to me." His voice went from anger to sadness.

I reached my hand out to him and he allowed me to gut my hand over his softly. "I didn't do that. I'm not lying to you. I really do like you. I would never lie to you."

"You're not?"

"No, I'm not lying, Pony."

He sat quietly for a little while longer. I moved over next to him, but didn't force more contact.

"Is that why you kissed me last night?" He finally said in a whisper.

"Yeah. Why didn't you say anything when you first woke up?"

"I wanted to pretend that you weren't faking it."

"You don't have to pretend."

"Are you sure?" He swallowed, "That you, you know, like me?"

"Yes, Pony, I'm sure."

He didn't say anything, but he flipped his hand so that I was holding it. I smiled. Pony yawned quietly and put his head on my shoulder. He looked up at me and I made eye contact with him. I put my arm around him and I kissed him softly. He responded slowly and after a long moment I pulled back and looked at him.

"I think we should go to sleep." I suggested.

Pony nodded and laid back down. I put his back against my chest and held him.

----

I woke up before dawn when I felt someone shaking me. I rolled over and found Ponyboy smiling down at me.

"What?" I mumbled, annoyed.

"There's somethin' I want you to see."

I sighed, "Fine." I got up and followed him where he was leading me off to. We were going out to the back of the church, the part that was on the highest part of the hill. He was facing away from me and looking up to the sky.

"What are we doin' here?" I asked.

"I wanted you to see the sunrise." He looked back and me and beckoned me over to him. I smiled at the shining light in his eyes before I went to his side and followed his gaze.

We stood by each other's sides as the sun slowly peaked over the land and rose up into the sky. I was amazed by the sight.

"Nature's first green is gold," Pony began to speak slowly and quietly, "her hardest hue to hold. Her early leafs a flower; but only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, so dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay."

"What was that?" I wondered, "That described exactly what I was thinking."

"It's a poem by Robert Frost called 'Nothing Gold Can Stay'. We studied it in English last year." Ponyboy explained. I nodded and took his hand lightly. Pony turned to look at me with stars still in his eyes, I smiled at him. Pony put his free arm around my neck and pulled me to his mouth. We kissed for a moment before he pulled back.

"We gotta get back inside." Pony said a little regretfully. I agreed and we walked back into the church.

"How come you were able to get up for that, but never any other day?" I asked once we were back inside.

Pony smiled, "I didn't go back to sleep last night."

"Why not?"

"I couldn't sleep; I had a lot running through my mind."

"What were you thinking about?"

He was silent for a moment and then spoke quietly, "What we're getting ourselves into."

"Oh… We don't have to date if you don't want to. If you would even call what we're doing dating."

"No, that's not what I meant. What I mean is, I don't know how this works. You've been my best friend for nearly my whole life and then this happened."

"We can pretend it never happened if that's what you want."

"I want to be with you, Johnnycake; I'm just scared by that."

"I don't want to scare you." I let go of him and took a small step back.

"Johnny," He put his arms around me and rested his head on my chest, "I'll be okay."

I put my arms around his waist, "Just tell me what you want whenever you want it and I'll make it happen, okay?"

Pony nodded, "Okay."

----

That afternoon Ponyboy was reading more of _Gone with the Wind_ while I made food for us to eat for lunch. I listened to him speak and felt like I was really there in the story with the way he read it. He used different voices and showed emotion on his face. I would never grow tired of seeing and listening to him read; it always brought a slight smile to my face.

He set the book down when he saw I was done making that sandwiches and made a face at the bologna. I apologized again for it being the only thing we had to eat; we were both sick of it by this point, but we had to eat it to stay alive and healthy.

I handed him his sandwich before sitting down across from him to eat mine. I looked around as I ate while we sat in a comfortable silence. I leaned back onto the pew careful of how old it was.

Pony cleared his throat and I looked over to him. He looked like he had something important to say. When he didn't speak up, I asked him what he was thinking.

"You know how you said that if I told you what I wanted, you'd make it happen?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"Well I was thinking about it and there's something I wanna do."

"Okay, what is it?" I asked and waited.

"Johnny, how many girls have you been with?" I was surprised by the question.

"Why do you need to know that?"

"Just tell me, please." The happy mood was gone from the room.

I sighed, "I've had sex with, I think, three girls."

"Who were they?" Ponyboy looked hurt by what I said, but tried not to show it.

"I don't know, they were one night stands."

"Are you glad you did it?"

"No, I really regret doing it. I wish I didn't. I only did because of Dallas." I explained.

Pony nodded and looked down.

"Why are you asking about this?" I asked, trying to get his eye contact.

"Would you ever want to…have sex with me?"

I didn't know what to say as to not offend him.

"You don't want to, do you?" He gathered that answer from my silence.

"No, I want to. I just don't think that if we did it, it would be just sex."

"What would it be then?"

"Making love?" The expression had always made me scoff until now, when I finally understood what it would mean to 'make love'.

"So," Pony said, trying to hide his blush, "should we plan it?"

"Let's just see where things go. I don't want you to do something you'd regret."

"I'd never regret you, Johnny."

----

**Well there's a little bit of lovey dovey stuff for everybody. I hope you all like it. Read and review. **


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Warning: There will be slash in future chapters, if you don't like that kind of thing, then don't read it.

My View of Things

Chapter Eight

It was late at night and I was thinking about what I had done that night. It just kept flashing in my mind's eye. The look on Bob's face when I shoved the blade into his stomach, the horrified looks on his friend's faces as they ran and Ponyboy unconscious as I pulled him out of the ice cold water.

I rolled over and sighed in frustration of not being able to sleep.

"Johnny," Pony mumbled. I woke him up with my moving around, "What's wrong?"

"I was just thinking."

"'Bout what?" He rolled over to look at me now that he was more awake.

"I gotta go back and tell people I did it."

Pony sat up and looked down at me, "But you'll go to jail and you'll get hurt. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I know it'll be bad and all, I just have to do it. I can't live with this on my chest."

"Are you sure you want to do this? Have you really thought it through?"

"Yes, I'm sure and I've been thinking about confessing since it happened."

Pony had tears in his eyes and he turned away from me.

"Baby, don't cry." I sat up and put my arms around him, "I'm sorry I've dragged you through hell and back, but I have to do this."

"Okay, we'll go back tomorrow." Pony whispered reluctantly.

I put my head on his back and closed my eyes, "Thank you."

----

It was early in the morning when we were woken up by a voice I never thought I'd hear here.

"A blondie," he said laughing at Ponyboy's hair. I sat up slowly because I didn't get enough sleep worrying about what was going to happen.

"Hey Dal," I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands.

"Nice hair," He laughed and rubbed my head with his knuckle.

"What are you doin' here?" I wondered.

"Came to see how you two were doin' and maybe we'll go get some food." Pony visibly brightened at the prospect of food that wasn't a bologna sandwich.

"That sounds good." He said with a smile.

"Well then let's go. I've got a hot car." Dally gave a sly smirk. I chuckled and got up.

We drove to a small drive in while Dallas complained about how small a town it was as he swerved from lane to lane.

We pulled into a spot at the drive in and parked. We started talking about how things were back at home.

"We've got a spy on the south side." Dally announced, "It's that broad from the movie with the red hair. The one I tried to pick up. What was her name?"

"Cherry Valence," Pony said with his mouth full of food.

"Man, she's fiery." Dally smiled.

"I'm gonna confess." I said after a little silence.

"What? Why would you do that?" Dally looked outraged, "I got you a good hide out here and the cops think you're in Texas. Why do you wanna throw all that away? After a few years you'll be fine here and be able to move on."

"I have to. I can't live with it on my conscience." I explained.

"You're gonna go to jail. You're not made for jail, Johnny. It changes people," I looked at my lap, "Look at me damn it," I made eye contact with him again, "You'll be so different when you come out of that place. You won't be you after it's over."

Dally started to look worried and I sighed.

"I don't care. People close to him deserve to know what happened to him and who did it."

"Fine, I give up. I'll drive you home and you'll get tossed in jail. Don't blame me when you're getting fucked up the ass."

I choked on my drink, "That's true? I thought it was some urban legend."

"Depends on where you go." Dally started the car and put it into reverse. I looked back at Pony who looked like he was going to be sick.

----

When we drove back to the church I saw smoke rising above the tree line and knew something was wrong. As we pulled up to the building we saw a group of scared kids and two older people while the church was ablaze.

"There're still kids inside!" The fat man yelled to the other woman with him. I heard the back door open and saw Ponyboy run past me to the church.

"Pony!" I yelled and opened the car door.

"You'll get killed in there!" Dally tried to pull me back into the car.

"I don't care! I gotta get to Pony." I pulled away from him and ran to follow Pony. He was breaking open a door way, but couldn't seem to get it to budge. I threw a rock at it and we went inside while covering our faces to the smoke.

"Don't breathe it in and stay low." I yelled to Pony who only nodded. We went to a room in the back where we found five kids huddled in the corner, more scared than they had ever been. I picked one up and gave her to Pony who handed her through the window to a waiting Dally outside. We handed kid after kid until they were all gone and it was our turn to get out. I heard a crackling over my head and knew what was about to happen.

"The roof's caving in!" I yelled while I shoved Pony to go first, "Hurry!"

He started climbing out the window while Dally pulled him by the shoulders. Ponyboy grabbed my arm and pulled me out with him. Just before I was fully out of the building, the roof caved and hit my lower body. I yelled out in pain and hit the ground outside. I blacked out while Dally swore at me for being a 'stupid ass'.

----

I woke up who knows how long later in a hospital. I was alone in the room and looked around. I looked at my body which was mainly covered in bandages. I tried to move my legs, but was horrified to realize that I couldn't feel from the knee down.

A nurse came into my room staring at a chart.

"What's wrong with me?" I asked with a raspy voice.

She jumped at the sound; obviously she didn't see before that I was awake. She looked at me with a sympathetic expression on her face.

"We're just not quite sure right now. You may have just burned through your nerve endings in your legs, or you may be paralyzed. We're going to be running more tests."

"What about my friends? Are they okay?" I tried to forget what she had just told me.

"Mr. Curtis is doing fine and should be out by tonight or tomorrow morning. His brothers are here and so are some of their friends. Mr. Winston," Her face turned sour thinking about him, "is no worse than expected. He left about ten minutes ago after he visited you."

I chuckled. "Can Pony or anyone else see me? Or are we doing more tests right now?"

"We're going to do tests in half an hour. You can see them until then."

"Can you bring them here?"

"I'll be right back." She left and left me alone again. It was so quiet in the room. I wasn't used to quiet. With all the yelling and fighting that usually goes on at home and how rowdy the guys get whenever they're together. Even the last week with Pony had been pretty loud because we were both talking the whole time.

I saw the faces of my smiling friends, Soda, Darry, Steve and Pony, in the doorway and smiled back at them. They came into the room filling it with noise as they spoke randomly. Darry stood against the wall with his arms folded across his chest, Steve and Soda were joking around with each other to the left of my bed which was closest to the door, and Pony was by my left side sitting in a chair.

"Hey." I said then coughed.

Pony smiled sadly, "I'm sorry I made you go in there."

"You didn't make me."

"Would you have gone in there if I hadn't of been stupid and gone first?"

"I don't know. We can't go back to the past and see what would have happened. Life doesn't work that way."

"I know, I just-" I cut him off.

"And I'm not sorry that I did go. I'm glad we did because those kids didn't deserve to die."

Pony sighed and looked down at my hand. I looked around and then took his hand in mine.

"What if someone sees?" Pony whispered.

I shrugged, "They can deal with it."

Pony grinned.

----

**Well that's that. I still don't know if I'm going to kill Johnny off or not. Vote in the reviews? Thank you. **


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Warning: There is slash in this story, so if you don't like that kind of thing, you may leave right now.

My View of Things

Chapter Nine

It was in the afternoon on Monday that I got the first visit from my family. When I saw my mother walk in, I tried to sit up but immediately regretted it and lowered myself back down before settling to just turn my head as best as I could to see her.

"Get out." My voice came out in a harsh whisper caused by the smoke and the lack of talking that day, making me sound weak. I hated being weak in front of her.

"What did you just say to me, boy?" She looked at me with hateful eyes.

"I don't what you here." I said louder and with less of a raspy sound. "I want you to leave."

"I'm your mother, I deserve to see you."

I felt anger bubble in my chest at the woman that had suddenly decided to behave like a real mother instead of what she truly was to me. A person I wished was there for me like Mrs. Curtis had been; a real mom. "No you don't," I said becoming louder, "Get out!"

A nurse outside the door jumped and my mother left angrily, slamming the door.

"Why did you let her in there, huh?!" I heard Two-Bit yell at the nurse. As she apologized and justified herself because the woman she let in _was_ his mother; Ponyboy and Two-Bit walked into the room. I guess they just decided to ignore her.

I looked over at them, "Hey, why aren't you in school?" I asked to mainly Ponyboy, Two-Bit had been in school for two years too long one more absence wouldn't hurt.

"The school day's already over." He got a worried look on his face, "Are you loosing track of time?"

"No, Pony." I said in annoyance that wasn't truly directed at him, "There's just not a clock in here and I didn't know, alright?"

"Sorry." Pony sounded a little angry for my tone.

"I'll just leave you two love birds here while I find some food." Two-Bit said as he left.

"You told him?" I asked in an angry whisper after the door had shut.

"No! You know how he is; he cracks jokes like that all the time." He began to look angry, "What's your deal today, Johnny?"

I sighed and looked away from him, "I'm going to be stuck in this damn bed until I die, which could be today or tomorrow or a year from now. I know I'm going to die from this. My doctors all expect me to die; I can tell by the way they look at me, all remorseful like I actually did something great in this world."

"You did, Johnny, you saved those kids in the fire."

"I also killed a kid if you care to remember." I spat.

Pony threw his hands up in the air in defeat. "You're an idiot, you know that?" after a moment of silence, he spoke again but quietly this time, "And you better not die."

That's the moment I realized how much I loved him.

----

The next day, Dally stopped in to see me and told me there was going to be a rumble over this whole mess that I had created. He said they were doing it for me.

"Why would you do that?" I asked him.

"We all love you, Johnny," He looked surprised at his own admission and then added to the sentence to show how 'manly' he truly is, "and we're going to kick the Soc's asses for jumping you guys."

"Thanks, Dal." We sat there in silence for a while before I thought of something, or rather, someone. "Is Ponyboy going to fight?"

"If Darry lets him, I think he probably will. Why do ya ask?"

"I just worry about him, you know?"

"I'll back him if you want." He offered.

"That would be great." I smiled slightly.

"What is it with you and that kid? You two have been inseparable since y'all were jumped." Dally looked at me, trying to read my face but I made it stony and blank.

"I guess we just became better friends, maybe it happens when someone kills somebody for someone else."

"Johnnycake, you need to get that off your mind, it was all in self defense. Anyone would have done the same thing." I sighed and closed my eyes. After a few minutes Dally stood up and told me he had to go get back to his hospital bed before the nurses noticed.

I smiled at his back as he left; Dallas Winston would never change.

----

That night, I lay on his stomach on some contraption that the hospital said would help me get better. There was a mirror placed under my face so that I could see who was in the room, but I hated having it there when no one was visiting because I would only have my own face to look at. When you stare at your face for a whole day, you notice things about it that you had never seen before. I saw scars that had been created before I could remember. There was a small and barely noticeable hickey, that you wouldn't see unless you knew it was there, left on my neck that Ponyboy had given me, I blushed at the memory. Pony and I hadn't gone very far and I was okay with that.

'The rumble must be starting by now,' I thought as I looked through the window in the mirror, 'Dally better be helping Pony.'

The night got darker and I knew it wouldn't be long until the rumble was over. I got more worried for my friends when I saw it was raining, I knew that that meant there was a higher risk for worse injuries.

I was still lying there, waiting for any word from anyone when Dally and Ponyboy burst into the room covered in mud and water. Pony appeared to be shivering but Dally looked like he could care less if he was cold or hurt.

"Johnnycake?" I heard him say in a rough whisper, "Johnny?"

I opened my eyes with the little strength I still felt, "Hey."

"We won," he was breathing hard, "We beat the Socs. We stomped them, chased them out of our territory."

I didn't grin at the news, "Useless… fighting's no good…"

"They're still writing editorials about you in the paper. For being a hero and all." He was grasping at straws to find something to say. "Yeah, they're calling you a hero and heroizin' all the greasers. We're proud of you, buddy."

I felt a certain happiness at having Dally proud of me. No matter how I'd like to deny it, I couldn't help but to admit that having him be proud of me was the only thing that I had wanted but couldn't achieve for a long time.

"Ponyboy." I whispered and he came over to my bedside. At that moment I felt closer to death than I had ever been. He leaned over me to hear what I had to say. "Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold…"

I don't know what happened after that, I may have died, or I may have fallen asleep. But whatever happened, I woke up to Pony holding my hand and crying he was saying ramblings about how much he loved me and that he wished I hadn't of left him. He held my hand tighter than it had ever been held before.

"Don't cry." I said softly, "Don't cry, Pony." He stopped for a moment and looked up at me with a shocked expression on his face.

"You're alive?" He whispered, his voice ragged from sobbing.

"I'm alive." I affirmed, "Where did Dallas go?" I asked knowing he'd do something stupid.

"He ran out of here right after it happened. I thought I had lost you…" He looked on the verge of tears again.

"You didn't, I promise. I'm here to stay."I knew it was true at that moment; I had a new determination to live and to see the world all with Pony right next to me. "Go find Dally before he does something he'll regret."

He smiled and kissed me gently before leaving to find him.

To this day I believe it was Ponyboy that brought me back to life, just by loving me.

----

**So I know it's pretty cheesy, but I thought it could use that. I'd like to thank all my reviewers and readers who have stayed with me through my updates coming months after the last. I'd also like to celebrate that this story won an award for the best Johnny/Ponyboy non-smut. **

**There will most likely be another chapter to this that I will hopefully get out by the end of July (cross your fingers!). **

**Love,**

**Magalicious**


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